Living With Anxiety When Things Are Good
- Tavia Rising
- Oct 28
- 6 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
When Joy Feels Dangerous
There’s a peculiar kind of anxiety that doesn’t show up in crisis. It shows up in calm. When things are finally okay when the job stabilises, the relationship feels safe, or the diagnosis comes back clear, that’s when some of us feel most uneasy.
The mind whispers, “Don’t relax yet.”
It’s the fear that peace is temporary. That happiness will tempt fate. That if we let go of vigilance, something bad will happen. This is anticipatory anxiety, a quiet, persistent hum that turns joy into a threat.
The Psychology of Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop
Psychologists call it hypervigilance, a state where the nervous system stays on alert, even when there’s no visible danger. For people who’ve lived through instability, trauma, or long-term stress, this becomes the default setting. Calm doesn’t register as safety; it registers as suspiciously quiet.
When you’ve spent years bracing for impact, peace feels like an illusion. Your brain, trying to protect you, whispers: Don’t trust this. Something’s coming.
In reality, that “something” is a body still wired for survival, a system that doesn’t yet know how to stand down.
The Social Layer of Anxiety When Things are Good: Why We Struggle to Receive Goodness
We live in a culture that prizes striving over settling. Happiness must be earned, pleasure must be justified, and rest must be productive. When good things happen, many of us feel pressure to immediately anticipate the next challenge, as though staying content too long is irresponsible.
We don’t often talk about this form of anxiety because it sounds ungrateful. But it’s not ingratitude; it’s conditioning. It’s the mind saying, “Don’t get attached. Don’t get caught off guard.”
In social settings, this shows up subtly, the friend who downplays their success, the parent who can’t stop worrying about their child’s future even when everything’s fine, the professional who feels hollow after every achievement. We’ve learned to mistrust happiness, because happiness feels out of control.
The Body Remembers Safety Slowly
Even when life gets better, the nervous system may take months or years to catch up. The body doesn’t respond to logic; it responds to pattern. If the pattern has always been tension, threat, crash, the absence of tension feels like danger.
That’s why joy can make the heart race. Why quiet can feel deafening. Why the phrase “everything’s fine” sometimes triggers tears.
Healing this requires more than positive thinking; it’s about retraining the body to recognise calm as safe. To replace that reflexive fear with trust. To build tolerance for peace.
The Hidden Cost of Not Allowing Joy
When we don’t let ourselves feel good, we also stop ourselves from feeling alive.
Anxiety during good times robs us of presence. It steals sunsets, laughter, and intimacy, moments that were never meant to be earned, only received. And yet, in a world where anxiety is normalised, letting yourself enjoy what’s right in front of you becomes an act of rebellion.
Relearning Joy
The work isn’t about silencing anxiety but about gently introducing safety back into the system through breath, mindfulness, and moments of embodied trust.
It’s learning to say:
“This calm doesn’t mean danger is coming.”
“It’s safe to exhale.”
“Good things can stay.”
And over time, with consistent care, the body begins to believe it.
A Space to Practice Feeling Safe
Meditation Central’s guided journey “Anxiety When Things Are Good” was created for this exact emotional paradox, for those who struggle to relax even when life is peaceful. In this 20-minute session, you’ll step into a garden of good things, where every step forward plants a flower instead of triggering a fall. It’s a space to retrain your nervous system to recognise joy as safe, not something to brace against.
Affirmation: “It’s safe to feel good. I am not in danger.”
If you’ve ever caught yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop, this meditation is your reminder:
You are allowed to exhale.
You are allowed to receive what’s good.
And peace doesn’t need to be earned; it just needs to be felt.
Listen now at Meditation Central
Living with Anxiety When Things Are Good
When life finally feels peaceful, many people feel uneasy instead of calm. This isn’t ingratitude, it’s the body’s survival response still running long after the storm has passed. True healing means retraining your nervous system to feel safe in joy, not just in crisis.
Why do I feel anxious when things are going well?
It’s called anticipatory anxiety, the fear that peace won’t last.
When things are calm, your brain may interpret the absence of chaos as suspicious. If you’ve lived through long periods of stress, trauma, or instability, your nervous system learns to equate calm with danger.
So when life finally becomes good, the job stabilises, the diagnosis is clear, the relationship feels safe, part of you whispers, “Don’t relax yet.”
That’s not paranoia; it’s hypervigilance, a body still wired for survival, waiting for the next hit of bad news.
What causes fear of happiness or the ‘other shoe to drop’ feeling?
This anxiety usually forms from past unpredictability or long-term stress.
Psychologists describe it as a mismatch between your environment and your nervous system. Even when you’re safe, your body doesn’t know how to stand down.
It’s the mind saying, “If I prepare for disappointment, I can’t be blindsided.”
But preparation doesn’t prevent pain, it only prevents peace.
Over time, that internal alarm can make joy itself feel threatening, as though allowing happiness will invite loss.
Why do calm moments sometimes feel uncomfortable or even scary?
Because your body hasn’t yet learned that calm can be safe.
If your past has been filled with tension, crisis, or uncertainty, stillness feels unnatural. Your body expects the pattern, stress, relief, crash.
When that pattern disappears, the nervous system still scans for danger. That’s why quiet can feel deafening, and happiness can make your heart race.
Healing starts when you reintroduce calm gradually, through breathwork, mindfulness, and moments of gentle stillness that teach your body, “It’s okay to relax now.”
Why do I feel guilty for enjoying good things?
Because we’ve been conditioned to earn our joy.
Modern culture prizes productivity, striving, and self-improvement. We’re taught to equate rest with laziness and happiness with privilege. So, when things go well, guilt arises, as if comfort means complacency.
This isn’t gratitude’s opposite; it’s survival conditioning mixed with social expectation. Your nervous system simply doesn’t trust what feels unearned.
Learning to receive goodness without guilt is part of nervous system repair. It’s reclaiming the truth that rest, joy, and ease are not luxuries, they’re basic human needs.
How does trauma affect my ability to feel safe in happiness?
Trauma keeps your body stuck in the “on” position.
Even when circumstances change, your physiology remembers what it felt like to be unsafe. This creates hypervigilance, a constant readiness for danger, even when none exists.
In this state, joy can feel suspicious. The brain associates calm with vulnerability, assuming that something bad follows every good moment.
Healing requires teaching your body a new pattern:
Calm doesn’t mean danger. Stillness doesn’t mean threat. Good things can stay.
What’s the cost of not allowing myself to feel joy?
When you don’t let yourself feel good, you disconnect from life’s most nourishing moments.
Anxiety during good times steals presence, the laughter, the sunsets, the moments of connection that make life full.
You can become emotionally numb, constantly waiting for the next challenge instead of living what’s in front of you. The result is a quiet kind of burnout, where even joy feels like work.
Learning to stay with good feelings is not denial of danger; it’s restoration of balance.
How can I retrain my nervous system to feel safe when I’m happy?
Start small, with consistency.
Each time you catch yourself tensing in calm, take a slow breath and remind yourself:
“This peace doesn’t mean danger.”
“It’s safe to exhale.”
“Good things can stay.”
Over time, your nervous system begins to believe you.
The goal isn’t to silence anxiety, but to gently reintroduce safety through repeated experiences of grounded joy, a smile, a sunset, a deep breath that doesn’t end in fear.
How can meditation help when peace feels unsafe?
Meditation helps the body unlearn its fear of calm.
In Meditation Central’s guided journey “Anxiety When Things Are Good,” you’ll step into a garden of good things, a visualisation designed to retrain your nervous system to recognize joy as safe.
As you walk this inner garden, every step plants peace where worry once lived. It’s a space to practice the sensation of calm without bracing for loss.
Affirmation: “It’s safe to feel good. I am not in danger.”
Where can I listen to this guided meditation?
You can listen to “Anxiety When Things Are Good” on Meditation Central via YouTube or at meditationcentral.com.au.
This 20-minute experience helps ease hypervigilance, heal the fear of happiness, and allow you to receive peace without resistance.
Final thought
You don’t need to earn your calm.
You don’t need to wait for the next storm.
Peace isn’t a setup, it’s a state your body can learn to trust again.
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